With the exception of Miami and D.C., I love ‘em all.
The Housewives’ lives are plagued with entertaining ridiculosity when the cameras are rolling and when they’re not. The show is just too good.
In 2006, when The Real Housewives of Orange County, the original installation, was introduced to the world, the economy was doing well. Back then, everyone had the means to conspicuously waste money.
Fast forward a couple years, and things change dramatically. One Housewife gets evicted, another is facing foreclosure, and a friendship ends when a still wealthy Housewife refuses to loan money to her financially struggling friend and cast member.
As fascinating as the Housewives are, they’re terrible with money.
Here are five ways Real Housewives waste money.
Okay. So here’s what I don’t get. Why are Housewives prone to cocktail-in-your-face fits of violent rage when they’re at an expensive event? An event where mixed drinks likely cost upwards of $16?
Although I can’t stand to even look at Eric Williams, the lumpy headed ex-husband of Basketball Wife, Jennifer Williams, I gotta give it to him. When it comes to drink throwing, he has the right idea.
If you’re going to ferociously splash a full glass of an overpriced alcoholic beverage in someone’s face, make sure it belongs to the victim.
That way, you hit ‘em twice – once in the face and a second time in the wallet.
I suspect most women have enough self control to avoid physically attacking another individual. However, I’d still like to share some advice for the minority who don’t.
If you must throw a liquid concoction in another person’s face, choose something that’s as economical as it is offensive. Like a pint of Guinness on happy hour special or an orange soda.
Better yet, whatever happened to a simple, old fashioned pie? I say bring back pies.
Careers For Which They Lack Talent
Danielle Staub, Kim Zolciak, The Countess, I’m here to tell it; Ya can’t sang.
Your voice is a disaster to my ears.
Sheree Whitfield, Lisa Wu Hartwell, Alexis Bellino, you’re not designers.
You can’t draw.
You can’t sew.
You can’t – you know – DESIGN.
As much as I believe people should follow their dreams, I encourage you to pursue vocations where you possess BOTH the interest and talent. The latter is vitally important.
Bethenny Frankel chose a career path for which she was capable AND passionate. Look at how swimmingly that worked out for her.
Ridiculously Ginormous Homes
Your house is too big.
I grew up in a three bedroom, one bath, 1,400 square foot house.
My parents and us three kids (sometimes six kids when my cousins slept over) managed just fine.
If I hear one more spoiled, yet remarkably broke Housewife declare her 4,000 sq. ft. home too small for an emaciated mother, a mostly absent father and a couple small children, I’m gonna spit.
Remove some of the frickin’ nannies, and you, your husband and toddlers can use more of the excessive space you already have.
Kids’ Birthday Parties
Taylor, Taylor, Taylor, I applaud your willingness to publicly spend $60,000 on a 4 year old’s birthday bash. Although your daughter was completely uninterested in the entire ordeal, I’m glad you had a good time. Personally, I preferred Kyle Richards’ “sensibly” priced, more age appropriate birthday party for her daughter.
Although the average woman doesn’t have tens of thousands of dollars available for birthday celebrations, I’ve seen my fair share of waste on such festivities by people who live at the poverty level.
So that you understand what constitutes a big birthday, let’s go over the more notable ones here in the United States.
- First – You survived an entire year.
- Twelfth – You’re Jewish and spiritually accountable for your actions.
- Sixteenth – In many states, you can legally drive without adult supervision.
- Eighteenth – You’re an adult. You can vote, smoke, sign legally binding contracts, and serve in this great nation’s military.
- Twenty-first – You can legally drink alcohol and gain admission to the better nightclubs. As an added bonus, you’re now permitted to invest in many companies’ 401(k)s.
- Thirtieth – Congratulations. You’re officially old. You’re starting to feel it in your knees.
- Every “ieth” birthday thereafter - You’re old and you’re only getting older, but for some reason, after 30, people like celebrating birthdays with a zero at the end.
If it’s not on the above list, the birthday isn’t important.
Try not to go bankrupt celebrating it okay.
NeNe Leakes has to be one of my favorite Housewives. After she called Kim, “a low down, dirty monkey with a wig” her fate as an all time fave of mine was sealed. Unfortunately, her son is a bum. I hope she didn’t let him move back in with her, because we’re tired of watching her enable laziness and mediocrity.
And Jacklyn, your daughter Ashley is a real jerk. She’s beyond clueless and beyond redemption. Who complains about having to wake up early and commute to work? That’s normal. Ashley has no respect for her mother. Her car should be repossessed by her parents, and she deserves to get her butt kicked out of that fabulous house in which she’s living rent free.
You might not have a lot in common with the Real Housewives, but if nothing else, they can teach you how to NOT manage your money.
What other ways have you seen reality stars and real women waste money?