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License to…Steal?

by Shawanda Greene

The cunning thief

Before buying anything, you should ask yourself “Can I get it for free?

If you pay attention, you can find a lot of items that don’t cost any money.

But unless you’re this guy, you’ll have to pay up for, at least, some of the products and services you want.

There’s no way around it.

Or is there?

Although the strategy isn’t given much thought publicly, there is a way to obtain what traditionally comes at a price for free.

It’s called stealing.

Stealing is an often ignored savings strategy that allows you to enjoy a standard of living you couldn’t afford otherwise.

Although we try to live with integrity, you gotta admit, there are some scenarios that would give even a virtuous woman pause.

Here are 5 types of thieves that you may identify with someday. Well, I hope not the first one.

The Straight Up Thief

You’re the textbook definition of a thief and proud of it.

While your actions are despicable, I won’t lie, your honesty is refreshing.  You take what you want without offering a wordy excuse for your misdeeds.

“I took it ’cause I wanted to. What I don’t wanna do is work for it. Now, f— off.”

You’re so cute.

The Entitled Thief

Like most amateur thieves, your unethical behavior is supported by sound logic.

Look at all the times you were pressured into working when you should’ve gone to the doctor.

There’s nothing wrong with taking a sick day when you’re perfectly healthy.

Your employer didn’t pay you for all the days you dragged your butt into the office to meet an important deadline when you weren’t feeling well.

You’re not saying you deserve a sick day. Heck! You earned it.

It’s only fair you regain what’s rightfully yours.

The Vengeful Thief

You feel cheated, and you’re taking matters into your own hands.

Let’s say you reserve a nice hotel room to spend a romantic weekend with your honey.

Upon arrival, you find the cleanliness of your room inconsistent with what you’ve come to expect from a 4-star hotel.

There’s an empty peppermint wrapper under the pillow, dead flies clustered around the window sill, the room reeks of cigarette smoke, and the TV remote is broken.

After speaking with management, they take two full days of your two and a half day visit to address your complaints.

When you demand a refund at the checkout counter, they offer you a 10% discount on your NEXT stay.

“Unacceptable!”, you say.

So how do you handle the situation?

Do you write a scathing review on TripAdvisor and be done with it?

Or do you hunt for an unattended housekeeping cart and help yourself to two fluffy towels, a bathrobe, and two fistfuls of miniature lotions on the way out?

Hmm. Can’t say I’d be mad if you did.

The Thief of Thieves

You steal from other thieves.

This is perfection. You reward yourself while simultaneously punishing a crook.

Hey. They had it comin’.

Recently, I read an article in the Washington Post about a Maryland couple who hasn’t made a single payment on their $1.3 million house since they moved in FIVE years ago. They’ve used almost every legal tactic at their disposal to avoid being evicted from their home.

Can you believe this?!

To be truthful, I think my outrage largely stems from jealousy. I wanna live rent free too. *pouts*

On the other hand, it’s hard to feel sorry for many banks. They’re such scumboogers even decent people can’t sympathize with them.

The Friendly Thief

You just wanna try it out first.

There’s an e-course you’ve wanted for months, but you don’t want to waste $300.

What if the product turns out to be a bunch of fluff?

You obtain a pirated copy to test it out. Once you determine the item is useful, you’ll gladly pay the seller full price.

Okay, I kind of see where you’re coming from. But I have to ask, did the course not have a money back guarantee?

If it was a physical product, would you have made the same decision?

What if the course information is useful, but you don’t dedicate the time necessary to work through each module?

The fact that you don’t finish the course doesn’t speak of its value. You received exactly what was promised, but you didn’t hold up your end of the deal. In which case, was the course of useful to you?

Ugh! I dunno. My head hurts.

Image via Wikipedia

What do you think? Are there any instances when “stealing” is acceptable?

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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

John@MarriedWithDebt March 9, 2012 at 4:03 PM

If someone took something from me, I would take it back. Is that stealing?

If my family were hungry and I had no other option to feed them, I'd steal food.

Reply

MyMoneyDesign.com March 16, 2012 at 12:49 PM

This is hilarious! Nice job and great structure of the content. For some reason "The Entitled Thief" is my favorite. I feel like I may have been "The Vengeful Thief" a few times.

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