This cupcake almost singlehandedly led me to change my opinion on weddings

I don’t wanna sound blasphemous, but I hate weddings. They’re such an elaborate waste of money, I just can’t stand them.

According to CNNMoney.com, the average wedding cost $21,814 in 2008 down from $27,490 in 2007.

You got $22,000 burning a hole in your bank account, then buy me a high quality diamond. Something I can look at and admire on a daily basis. I want women whose weddings cost tens of thousands of dollars to be so daggum jealous of me, they [fill in something debilitatingly clever here].

Now, don’t get mad. I wouldn’t judge you for spending ridiculous sums of money on your wedding. I’d only judge you if you spent someone else’s money (e.g. American Express, your indigent mother) on your ridiculous wedding.

A while back, my best friend really ticked me off when she announced she was getting married to her on again off again boyfriend and wanted me to be her maid of honor. I don’t really get involved in people’s business, so it wasn’t the groom that bugged me. It was their rocky relationship. The problem was that she asked me to incur non-refundable expenses for an event that was unlikely to occur.

I realized I’d gotten off easy when a friend told me she couldn’t go with me to Ireland, because she couldn’t afford it due to a wedding she’d committed to. Both her and her son will be in the wedding.

Here’s the rundown.

Are you essing me?!

Over $2,200 for somebody else’s stuff!

It’s not fair!

Most people aren’t like me. You might really enjoy attending weddings or being in them. Plus, you may not want to completely disappoint your loved ones by selfishly refusing to participate in costly activities that are important to them.

If you care for the person who asked you to either attend or participate in their wedding, and you’re loaded, then it’s perfectly okay to be a part of their big day/week.

If that’s not the case, here’s what I suggest. Instead of responding with, “Ain’t nobody got no money!” when you’re asked to be a member of the wedding party, stay calm.

Try this four step process for dealing with the situation.

Step 1

Understand your friend may be a bit jaded when it comes to the expenses you’ll incur. She is spending $22,000 on a wedding after all. Your $2,250 represents mere pennies in her eyes.

Step 2

Find out how much the event will cost you. Use the budget above as a starting point. To share in this glorious occasion, you might have to sell something or take on a second job or push off motherhood for another year or take a semester off college. But it’s best to know this upfront.

Step 3

If you find you simply can’t afford what your friend is asking of you, then tell her. Perhaps she’ll be open to reconsidering her wedding budget. Presumably, you’re a close friend if you’re asked to be in a wedding.

Step 4

There’s nothing wrong with saying no if you don’t have the money. Under no circumstances do I advocate going into debt to be a part of a friend’s wedding. She should understand that you function in a world of limited resources. If she can’t comprehend that, then it’s fine to go back to the preamble to Step 1:

“Ain’t nobody got no money!”

This article was featured in the Carnival of Personal Finance #245 – “Dollar Doodles” edition at Budgets are Sexy.

Has a friend ever asked you to participate in an event that you either couldn’t afford or just didn’t want to spend the money on?

Photo credit – Sugarbloom Cupcakes

Ramit Sethi, a personal finance blogger I greatly admire and respect, recently bashed budgets again in a post entitled
7 Lies We Tell Ourselves About Money. In lie number 3, “I’m going to start keeping a budget,” Ramit correctly identifies why people don’t track their spending:

1. It’s hard,
2. It makes you uncomfortable, and
3. It’s easier to pick your nose with your mouth agape and do nothing.

Sound suspiciously like the same reasons there’s an obesity epidemic in the United States.

Many people dislike budgets, because they’re difficult to successfully execute. That’s to be expected. If you’ve spent practically your entire life mismanaging your money, don’t expect the behavior to change instantly.

And forget about the notion it takes 21 days to break a habit. That’s bullshiggedy. You’re in for a much longer battle than that. Every January 2nd, the gym is overrun with people who’ve resolved to exercise more and lose weight. By mid-February, the resolutioners are all gone, and I can show up to spinning class 5 minutes before it starts confident a bike will be available.

If people worked out consistently, made healthy food choices, and burned more calories than they consumed, would they lose weight? That’s what the experts say.

Does the common gym have the equipment necessary to increase muscle mass and burn fat? So I’ve heard.

If your income is greater than your expenses, is it possible to save money? There is no other way.

As the answers to the three questions above indicate, it’s not the gym or the budget that’s keeping you from accomplishing your goals.

Don’t be too hasty blaming your failure on the plan. The problem doesn’t lie within the plan. It lies within you. Budgets, like fitness goals, aren’t suppose to work.

You are.

If you allow it, a budget can be an effective tool in your overall financial plan. It’s a written testament to the fact that monetary resources are limited and that in order to accumulate wealth you must live below your means.

Oh, what a magical world we’d live in if the mere act of writing down wishes automatically resulted in receiving them. Unfortunately, a carefully crafted budget ain’t worth a warm bucket of spit if you don’t follow through.

How do you plan on achieving your 2010 financial goals?

Preparing December’s budget hurt a little bit. But not for reasons that pain most people this time of year. I only exceeded my Black Friday/Cyber Monday budget by about $10. From my findings, it should be pretty clear I made no arrangements to holiday shop for anyone other than Shawanda Greene (that’s me).

Every year I choose whether to visit my family on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Since it’s ridiculously expensive to travel down to Jacksonville on Thanksgiving, I usually go home for Christmas. Plus, my brother and his family weren’t home Thanksgiving, and I kinda wanna see him and his three kids. That’d be nice.

Although I included $350 in my November travel budget, I didn’t spend any money in that category. I don’ t have much of a choice in December. Additionally, I’ve semi-decided to travel to Dublin at some point during the first quarter of 2009. Judging by the alerts recently received from Airfarewatchdog.com, a flight to Dublin should run around $500 – $600. A travel budget approaching $1,000 – that’s painful.

If you recall from November’s budget, I significantly reduced the amount of money I aimed to spend on food and tasty, delicious spirits. Yeah I overspent by $20, but cutting that area by 50% is still a victory.

Unfortunately, getting my hair done will cost me almost $100. My hair is nappy as all get out, so I need to see my loctician. I have a company holiday party to attend, and I don’t want my unkempt tresses detracting from the inappropriately bright orange or atomic blue dress I’m wearing.

With both my nephews birthdays coming up, I want to do something nice for them. Hence the allotment of $300 for family. I’m thinking Chuck E. Cheese, but a friend tells me I’m estimating too much. We’ll see. The worst that could happen is that I spend less than anticipated, and slide the money back in my pocket.

Just kidding. I might buy the children something for Christmas.

How’s your budget looking for December?

Unlike a distant retirement, world travel is actually something to get excited about. If I want to begin the realization of this dream in the near future, I’d better get a bit more serious.

Lately, I’ve viewed my budget more as a way to track past expenses than as a tool to plan future spending. Which sort of dilutes its power. I’m far beyond the stage of wondering where my money went. I know exactly where it goes thanks to Mint. The question I’m asking myself is “was my money spent on what will bring me the greatest level of satisfaction?”

So, here I am – going back to the basics of budgeting. The weekly menu plan was just the beginning. If you’ve never tried budgeting, I encourage you to do so. You’ll likely find that if you write down where your money goes as you spend it, you’re more likely to stay on track. It’s like the budget is your accountability partner.

After updating the expense categories in Mint, I discovered I spent $761 on food and alcohol in October. That doesn’t even include cash spent at the Halal cart outside my office. Of all the things I spend money on, this is where I am able and willing to cut the most.

If I’m diligent about recording expenses as I incur them, I’m confident I’ll be able to stick to the monthly budget I’ve outlined.

Normally, I’d do a zero-based budget which basically means every dollar has purpose. At the top of the budget would be my cash inflows. Cash outflows (including money directed to savings and retirement) would equal cash inflows.

Yes. That would normally be the case, but I can’t tell y’all all my bidness.

For a while, I thought menu planning was something only women with children did. Why would a young, sexy, and single urbanite like myself even consider such a thing? (I’m joking; twenty-eight isn’t that young.) As it turns out, menu planning is a great way to save money. The weight loss that usually results is just a bonus.

Back in the day, when I was trying to crawl my way out of debt, I’d cook. Lately, I’ve since reverted to my old ways of paying someone else to prepare practically all my meals. Last month, I spent over $700 on food and, er, alcohol. I don’t feel guilty about spending what many people would consider an outrageous sum of money on food and drinks. Eating out has always been an enjoyable experience for me. However, we should take a close look at what we’re spending our money on every now and then to determine whether our limited financial resources can be put to better use.

I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve never left the United States. There was that one time my mom and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas, but you can’t count that. I’m at a point in my life where some world travel will do me good. And that’s why I’m cutting my food and alcohol budget to $350. Yeah, it’s a drastic cut. But I’ve done it before. The savings will be redirected to a travel fund.

Here’s where the menu plan comes in. If I don’t have any idea what I’m going to cook, I’ll just wait until I’m starving then buy the most convenient, most delicious, and, almost by default, most fattening food I can get my hands on.

So, without further delay, here’s my menu plan for the week of November 1st:

Sunday – Pepper Steak & Onions over Basmati Rice (pictured above)

Monday – Salisbury Steak and Green Bean Casserole

Tuesday – Chicken Fajitas

Wednesday – Pork Chops with Garlicky Broccoli

Thursday – Leftovers

Friday – Barbacoa Bowl with Guacamole

Saturday – Chicken Posole

Although I’ve included links to the recipes in my menu plan, I modify them quite a bit. Everybody’s different. If you’re interested in how I change the recipes, then just shoot me an e-mail.

You can find other menu ideas for this week hosted by Laura at Org Junkie on Menu Plan Monday.

I really do like to eat. Do you mind sharing a recipe or two from your collection? No desserts please. Let’s reserve the temptation until about a week before Thanksgiving. Oohwee! My mouth is watering thinking about sweet potato pie. BUT, we’re not discussing desserts yet.

During my never ending quest for knowledge, I stumbled upon an audio book at my local library by Kevin Trudeau titled Debt Cures “They” Don’t Want You to Know About. The “they” Mr. Trudeau refers to is the consumer lending industry. I’m all for Americans gaining their financial independence and getting out of all kinds of debt. Unethical business practices should be exposed so that consumers are fully aware of the wealth prevention traps credit card companies set for the ignorant and uninformed.

I’ll give you an example of one such trap even I’ve fallen into. When you’re trying to get out of credit card debt, many financial experts recommend you transfer balances on higher interest credit cards to those with a lower interest rate. To me, this sounded like good advice. There was no shortage of credit card companies who were willing to offer me a 6 month introductory rate of 0%. So, I took advantage of the 0% interest rate and transferred the balance on my old credit card to the new credit card with the favorable, introductory rate.

Like an idiot, I charged additional purchases on the new credit card. Naively, I thought that my payments would be applied to the charges with the highest interest rate. Not so. I called the credit card company up to ask that my payments be applied to the highest interest rate charges first. Their answer was no – too bad.

There are numerous tactics credit card companies use to extract as many pennies out of the American consumer as legally possible. But, let’s take a moment to revisit Mr. Trudeau’s Debt Cures “They” Don’t Want You to Know About.

I’m probably not being totally fair. I’m drafting this blog entry although I haven’t finished listening to Mr. Trudeau’s 10-hour audio book. However, he brings up a lot of issues that really make my blood boil. He doesn’t adequately address the concept of personal responsibility. It seems Mr. Trudeau believes that consumers are being taken advantage of, railroaded, and raped by the consumer lending industry. According to Mr. Trudeau (and I’m paraphrasing) these poor blameless fools didn’t understand what they were getting themselves into. Late fees, over the limit fees, and default interest rates charged by the credit card companies are absurd.

Mr. Trudeau gives several examples of individuals who found themselves steeped in credit card debt after they lost their job, experienced an unexpected medical emergency, or had to pay for a car repair. I understand that it’s practically impossible to prepare for the infinite number of circumstances that could render any of us insolvent. However, there are many things within our power that we can do now that will mitigate the risk of reasonably expected and non-routine events causing us to succumb to the temptation of credit card debt.

I’ve been told that I’m cold. I’m not sure I agree with that assessment of my personality, but I don’t have a lot of patience for people who lack a sense of personal responsibility.

Mr. Trudeau gives an example of a young woman, who at the age of 21, had her car repossessed, defaulted on two loans, owned eight credit cards, and couldn’t even open a savings account because her credit was so bad. Oh, let me add that this young lady worked a part-time job making minimum wage. I don’t know this young woman’s story, but let’s just call her a deadbeat for simplicity’s sake. She sounds like a thief to me. I don’t see how someone working part-time making minimum wage could even afford a car note, let alone eight credit cards and two personal loans. Am I to assume that she was totally unaware or conveniently delusional about the fact that she’d be unable to pay back the money she borrowed? I’d suggest this young lady gets serious about honoring her obligations by securing a full-time job in addition to the part-time job she already has so that she’ll have more money to pay down her debts.

I find it interesting that Mr. Trudeau suggests that people generally use their credit cards during times of crises. He mentions a man who lost his job after the small company he worked for went under. For 4 weeks of unemployment, the man was “forced” to use his credit card to cover his car payment, rent, and food. Fortunately, the guy found a job after about a month, but he’d incurred $5,000 of credit card debt during the interim. I guess I could feel sympathy for this individual who didn’t even have enough money set aside to cover one month of living expenses when the popular recommendation is to have 3 to 6 months. I don’t.

If you’re unable to provide basic necessities to you and your family during times of hardship and credit allows you to survive, then you should pay for the privilege. I find it hard to believe that there are no other options, but IF credit is the only way, then be thankful you and your kids didn’t have to die of starvation because you didn’t have any money. Assuming credit card companies aren’t charities, there’s a cost to using their product called interest.

Now I don’t want to beat up Mr. Trudeau without offering the 6 simple solutions for outsmarting the credit card companies that I promised in the title.

1. Use cash. Included in the cash category are debit cards and checks. No one is forcing you to borrow money. Be warned that if you bounce checks or overdraw your account, the penalties can be just as cumbersome as credit card interest and fees.

2. Pay your bill on time. Have your credit card’s minimum payment automatically paid from your checking account. If paying by check, you want to be extra diligent in making sure that you mail the payment at least 10 business days in advance of the due date. Verify that the payment posts to your account on time. Credit card companies are notorious for holding checks and thereby forcing their customers to incur late fees.

3. Pay your balance off in full every month. If you don’t carry a balance, you won’t have to worry about the credit card companies arbitrarily increasing the interest rate on past purchases.

4. Don’t go over your credit limit. You have to police yourself. Don’t expect the credit card company to shut you down before you exceed your credit limit. Keep your balances to no more than 30% of your credit limit. Your wallet and FICO score will thank you.

5. Don’t buy stuff you can’t afford. The other strategies are a lot easier to follow if you abide by this golden rule.

6. Have an emergency fund. Three to six months is the conventional recommendation. Having access to your own cash can make a crisis look like a minor inconvenience.

I encourage you to search for ways to increase your income and reduce your expenses. By doing so, you’ll live within your means, save up an emergency fund, and avoid consumer debt.

Remember that the decision is yours. Make up in your mind that you’re not going to grovel at the feet of the credit card companies. Accept personal responsibility. It’s so much easier than blaming someone for a situation they have no interest or intention of helping you out of.

Originally posted May 22, 2009

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