The likelihood of us becoming close friends is inversely related to your propensity to hassle me. Words generally used to describe me are “smart,” “sarcastic,” and just plain ol’ “awesome.”

Over the years, I’ve managed to escape labels such as “generous” or “giving.” Why? Again, because I don’t want to be hassled. You need a favor. Leave me alone. Figure out how to do it yourself. I have little patience for those who don’t grasp the concept of self sufficiency.

However, I don’t see myself as selfish. Before I help someone, I usually ask myself three questions:

1. How burdensome is the task they’re asking of me?
2. Can they do it themselves with relative ease?
3. If I asked the same of them, would they be able and willing to help me?

Right now, you’re probably thinking that I am pretty selfish.

Allow me to explain.

Just because I’m unwilling to sacrifice my time, money and energy for an individual who resembles the likes of an inconsiderate freeloader more than a disadvantaged victim, doesn’t mean I’m selfish. And you know what? If you share the same opinion (albeit biased), you’re not selfish either.

Many people confuse spinelessness with generosity. They know they don’t wanna help nobody. If they weren’t afraid of what others would think of them, their responses to common requests would go something like this:

Transportation Request

Question: Can you drop me off at the airport? My flight leaves at 6:00 in the morning.

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: Because I don’t feel like it. You know I don’t wake up until 8:15. Take a cab.

Moving Request

Question: Could you help me move on Saturday?

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: I don’t know you like that. Plus, I don’t feel like it. You’ve been ducking and dodging me since I loaned you $50. Um, since you brought it up, where’s my money?

Money Request

Question: Can I borrow $350 to pay my light bill?

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: You already owe me $50. If I had it to loan, I’d give it to you. Actually, I could give it to you. But I don’t feel like it. Maybe if you sell that big screen you just bought, you’ll have the money to pay a taxi and the movers and your light bill.

You have to shut down people who always need something. Unlike genuine charitable giving, enabling deadbeats only make you feel like a pushover. Not only are they time sucks and financial drains, they rob you of the opportunity to relish in your charitableness.

Before you agree to lend your services, ask yourself – Am I doing this because I’m generous, or is my lack of a spine clouding my judgment?

How do you decide who’s deserving of your sacrifice?

About a week or so ago, I was talking to a friend about Christian leadership. There’s a particular area in her life where she’s struggled tremendously. She’s been challenged spiritually, physically, mentally and financially.

It’s been my experience that such battles will either bring you closer to God or leave you questioning whether he even exists. At times, it seems like it’s easier to back down than press forward. My friend has chosen to fight, and I commend her for doing so.

Since the beginning of our relationship, my friend and I have engaged in deep, and often heated, discussions about religion. It was inevitable. She’s religious. I’m not. Strange enough, we both enjoy playing the role of devil’s advocate.

Lately, in addition to attending church on a regular basis, my friend has also been getting The Word from some of the television ministries. Our voyage to a debate began here. She made a comment that she has a hard time receiving the teachings of many televangelists because they’re too focused on money.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Hearing a pastor go on and on about how giving to the church will cause me to metamorphose into a millionaire turns my stomach too.

What I took issue with was my friend’s disdain for mega church leaders’ consumption with consumption. According to her, they shouldn’t waste so much money on frivolous purchases. There are people who are really suffering. Financially wealthy pastors should give more to the needy for God’s sake.

To that line of judgmental reasoning, I said “be careful.” Then I asked, “How much did you give to the poor when you had money? How much money did you waste?”

The concern shouldn’t be with what someone else could do.

What could you have done?

What have you done?

What will you do?

If you see an unfilled need, then you fill it.

Sometimes it seems like you’re worse off financially than you actually are because you’re comparing yourself to someone who’s so much better off (or at least appear to be). You have more than you think.

You’ll feel like you have more money if you compare yourself to someone who has so much less. Better yet, try envisioning what life would be like if you didn’t have access to even the most basic necessities: food, electricity, clean drinking water, internet. It’s all relative.

My friend tried to justify her wasteful spending by saying it went to pay for things like eating out. You know because food is a necessity. I eat out too, but I’m absolutely sure my survival isn’t contingent upon me spending at least $761 on food and alcohol every month. One could live on less.

It’s true. No one needs a Bentley, but no one needs cable either. Many couples don’t need two cars. You don’t need manicures, pedicures, massages. What else? Oh, you don’t need a television, a Kindle, or a Nintendo Wii. The non-necessities are countless.

All the money you spend on those little luxuries could be given up to help the less fortunate. Do I think you should sacrifice all you enjoy for someone else? You do whatever you want. I won’t judge you for treating yourself.

What I was trying to make my friend see is that the big spending pastors aren’t the only ones dealing in abundance. At one point, she had a considerable sum of excess cash. Regrettably, she took her good fortune for granted.

Take a moment to reflect on all that you have. All that money can buy and all that it can’t.

Never mind that I’ve made a private conversation public, do you agree or disagree with my position? Why so?