Many of us have encountered at least one freeloading friend or family member in our lifetimes. Some of us have unfortunately had more freeloaders to deal with in our lives than we’d like to.

The typical freeloading scenario usually starts at a bar or a restaurant when the bill arrives at the table at the end of a nice meal. Most of the guests casually lean over for their purses or into their pockets to pull out some cash or maybe a credit card, but inexplicably, one of the guests suddenly excuses himself/herself to either go to to the bathroom or to “make a quick phone call,” which seems to happen almost every time you go out with this particular person.

Sound familiar?

If you’ve never had to deal with a serial freeloader, just consider yourself fortunate. In a large group, where most parties want to pay cash, my personal preference is to collect all the cash and pay the bill with a cash back credit card to earn all those points!

Unfortunately, if everyone puts up cash to pay the bill and the freeloader doesn’t cover his portion, the rewards that you’ll earn will provide very little comfort having to offset your friend or family member’s unpaid portion of the bill.

The fact is that many people, in an effort to avoid confrontation, will just cover the freeloader’s portion of the bill. Freeloaders often take advantage and prey on that fear of confrontation.

But what if you don’t have the money, or more importantly, the desire or the willingness to continually cover the freeloaders portion of the bill? While you don’t want to offend your family member or lose a friend over a dinner bill — you also can’t afford to keep picking up their tab.

Here are five killer tips for handling your freeloading friend or family member:

1) Set the Payment Expectation Right Upfront.

The first way to neutralize a mooching friend or family member is to immediately set the expectation right upfront by saying, “I’ve got the bill tonight, it’s my treat,” or “I got the bill the last time. Tonight, it’s your turn to cover it.” This is a very effective, non-confrontational way to let him or her know who will be responsible for the entire bill or a certain portion of it.

You can also say something like; “I don’t have the cash to cover it tonight, so I’m going to have to use my credit card. Do you need to stop by the ATM or are you going to use your credit card too?” This technique is a shrewd way to let them know unequivocally that you’re not their personal banker.

2) Separate Checks Please.

One of the most effective ways to deal with freeloaders at dinner is to simply ask for separate checks from your waiter or waitress right upfront. Point out who is on your bill and who is not.

Most restaurants nowadays are completely amenable to separate checks and it also alerts the other guests that they’re responsible for their portion of the bill. If you feel uncomfortable asking for separate checks in front of your guests, you can follow your waiter or waitress to their wait station and ask for separate checks there to avoid any awkward encounters at the dinner table.

3) Getting the Cash Upfront.

The bottom line is that if you’re planning on going out yet again with your freeloading friend or family member for dinner, to see a movie or a show, you have to start letting that person know that you don’t have the money to cover both of you.

While asking for the cash upfront to cover the tickets or the bill might seem a bit awkward, you absolutely MUST talk to your mooching family member or friend upfront to find out if they are having money problems that are prohibiting them from covering their share.

This doesn’t have to be an abrupt conversation with screaming and yelling. Be sure to find out how they plan to pay for their tickets beforehand and try to get the cash upfront BEFORE you pay. Asking for the cash upfront can mitigate many of the problems that occur after the fact with problematic freeloaders.

4) Be Fair But Firm.

If this freeloading behavior has become a regular routine with this particular family member or friend, you’re going to have to put your foot down on it sooner or later. The bottom line is you’ve got to speak up, stand your ground and be firm yet fair.

Again, the conversation shouldn’t be confrontational but conversational and very matter-of-fact, allowing you to simply state the facts. For example, you might say something like “Your half of the bill is $50. Do you want to give me cash for your half and then I’ll just pay the bill with my rewards card?”

This will send a very clear, strong message that he or she will have to carry his or her own weight when paying the bill.

5) Have A Heart to Heart.

While some freeloading friends and family might be doing it knowingly, believe it or not, others may not realize that what they’re doing is creating a big problem for you.

One possibility could be that you’re always picking the restaurant or entertainment and the options that you choose are simply above and beyond their means. They might be too embarrassed or ashamed to let you know they can’t afford it so they just go along with your choice.

Whatever the case might be, it’s not your responsibility to keep carrying the load. Sit down one-on-one and very calmly tell them that it bothers you to always pick up the tab in its entirety when you’re out at restaurants, shows, or whatever your entertainment choices are.

It’s important that you avoid generalizing and be able to point to very specific incidents, times and dates of the behavior that you have an issue with. Being honest about your predicament is critical to maintain the relationship.

Let him know that you can’t afford to carry the financial load (even if you can) when you’re eating out together or entertaining, so he needs to either start paying his own way, or alternatively, choose restaurants or outings that are more affordable for him so he can more comfortably pay his own way.

Using these five tips, you can really change the dynamic of this problem and, assuming the relationship is important to you, still have a chance at keeping the relationship intact.

Most importantly, these tips will allow you to do it in a non-confrontational manner with honor, grace and dignity. If your friend or family member is reasonable, they should understand where you’re coming from. But the end of the day, there might be some people that just don’t get it or simply aren’t willing to get honest with themselves about their behavior.

Simply put, how your friend reacts to you taking charge of the situation is beyond your control. How they respond to it, favorably or not, will no longer be your problem.

This is a guest contribution from Bill Hazelton, CEO and Founder of Credit Card Assist, one of the leading pro-consumer credit card comparison sites online.

A few days ago, after listening to The Rush Limbaugh Show, a friend called me with the answer to America’s debt problem: Oil.

Apparently, we’re sitting on a lot of it. All we have to do is sell our oil and pay off our debt. Problem solved, right? Well, let’s think about this for a minute.

Someday I might be okay with America using a nonrenewable resource that’s absolutely essential for our way of life to pay down debt. But right now, the idea scares me.

Here’s my issue. The United States is a junkie.

Some say we’re addicted to oil. I say we’re addicted to debt.

As I write this, our national debt is about $15.6 trillion dollars. That’s roughly $50K for every man, woman and child living in the United States. If you were to include all debt, e.g., national debt, student loans, credit cards, mortgages, etc., the average U.S. resident is burdened with over $180K in debt. Sadly, that figure includes the children.

We have to get our income, our expenses, or both under control before we start selling off assets.

For instance, if you were to tell me you wanted to take out a home equity loan to pay off your credit card balances, I’d ask you one basic question: How’d you find yourself in credit card debt?

Were you just a spoiled brat doped up on instant gratification?

Or was an uncontrollable event, such as a medical illness, the catalyst for your financial downfall?

If you’re an undisciplined spendthrift, you’ll borrow money on your home, pay off the credit cards, and quickly find yourself back in debt.

Keep repeating the process, and you’ll eventually run out of assets. Except then, you’re bankrupt AND homeless.

You have to deal with your addiction first.

Let’s look at another example just to nail the point home.

You probably didn’t know this about me, but I’m pro-liposuction IF you’re in tippety top physical shape and you only need to remove a little fat in trouble areas.

Why?

Because if you don’t correct your eating habits and sedentary lifestyle, you’ll gain all the weight back. Not only will you have subjected your health to the risks of surgery, but you’d have paid a large sum of cash only to find yourself right back where you started.

The quick fix is rarely the way to go.

What do you think?

Would you sell assets to pay down debt without addressing the issue that led to the debt in the first place?

It’s possible you’ve noticed, but in case you haven’t, let me just say, I really love talking about personal finance. So much so that I volunteer for two organizations as a financial education counselor. This past Saturday, I taught a two-hour course titled Know Your Credit Report. It’s one class in a 5-part series on money management. I normally teach the budgeting class, but I wanted to challenge myself with a different topic that I actually know quite a bit about.

I don’t talk about credit often here at You Have More Than You Think because I’m not a proponent of going into debt. Although I don’t know what I’d do without my dear, sweet, precious American Express Hilton Honors card, I’m fairly averse to borrowing money. Even home mortgages make me uneasy. I use my credit card for reward points, and I pay the balance in full every month to avoid interest charges.

Man, I wish I could tell the class how I really felt about credit. But, screaming DON’T BORROW MONEY, probably didn’t meet the objective of the course. Plus, it’s next to impossible to make a single statement fill a two hour time slot.

Overall, I thought things went pretty well. There were so many topics I didn’t get a chance to cover. I’m looking forward to teaching this class again now that I know what to expect.

It’s not most people’s forte, but I quite enjoy standing in front of a group of people and teaching them how to manage their money. That’s quite an enjoyable experience for me. But you know what I really love? Listening to the experiences of individuals in the class and then talking about their experiences with you.

It’s like gossiping without the evil. The concept brings to mind people who share other people’s business under the guise of genuine concern and then conclude their gossipy rant with, “Child, I was just letting you know so that you can pray for ‘em.” Come on.

Hey, that’s not what I’m doing. Feel free to pray for whoever you want. This blog post is an extension of what I told one of the attendees to her face.

Let’s just call this woman Larissa (pseudonym for anyone who’s financially challenged). After class, we continued our discussion on credit. Larissa was infuriated her bank suspended her home equity line of credit when she defaulted on a Walmart charge card.

Here’s wear Larissa messed up. She’d recently cancelled automatic payment of her Walmart card because she’d paid off the balance. Then, she proceeded to forget to make the minimum payment after she ran the balance back up again for some Christmas presents purchased with her Walmart card. Once her bank got wind of this, they closed her line of credit. If Larissa had paid a few days late, the bank would’ve never known. Creditors wait until you’re at least 30 days past due before they report you to the credit bureaus.

What I’m about to say may infuriate some people. Actually, a colleague recently warned me that (in spite of all my liberal leanings) I’ll be a Republican some day. So here goes.

If you pay any one of your creditors 30 days late, the other creditors should get nervous.

Why are you paying your bills late?

Did you lose your job?

Do you have a drug addiction a gambling addiction a shoe addiction?

Are you caring for a deadbeat husband, child, or sibling?

Are you a deadbeat wife, child or sibling?

You paid Walmart late this month, are you going to pay me late next month?

What is your problem?!

It’s quite possible you just plum forgot to pay your bill for 30 consecutive days.

However, there’s a reason people who pay their bills late are charged higher interest rates. They’re riskier. There’s a greater chance you won’t pay your bills at all if you’re paying them late. Such behavior is, generally, indicative of poor money management.

Maybe you’re an exception, but the bank ain’t trying to get to know you personally. They’re looking for a pattern of behavior that’s consistent with someone who doesn’t pay their bills.

Back to Larissa and her outrage. She made the point that she always paid her bank on time so they shouldn’t worry about what’s going on with Walmart. I know Larissa certainly didn’t feel like her bank did her any favors, but the other alternative to dealing with the Walmart default situation would’ve been to raise the interest rate on her home equity line of credit.

Be grateful you got shut down, Larissa.

So here’s where the aptly name blog post title comes from. One of the last things I remember Larissa saying was that she was hoping to use the home equity line of credit to get some work done on her house. She slipped up and said the bank refused her access to HER money.

After minutes of listening to Larissa wax on about the injustice of it all, I had to interrupt.

“Larissa, it’s NOT your money.”

Then I told her how I really felt about credit.

The title of this blog post was inspired (actually, it was spoon fed to me) by Fin Egnr at Engineer Your Finances. I like it better than the original title: “Credit – It’s Nacho Money, Fool.”