Many of us have encountered at least one freeloading friend or family member in our lifetimes. Some of us have unfortunately had more freeloaders to deal with in our lives than we’d like to.

The typical freeloading scenario usually starts at a bar or a restaurant when the bill arrives at the table at the end of a nice meal. Most of the guests casually lean over for their purses or into their pockets to pull out some cash or maybe a credit card, but inexplicably, one of the guests suddenly excuses himself/herself to either go to to the bathroom or to “make a quick phone call,” which seems to happen almost every time you go out with this particular person.

Sound familiar?

If you’ve never had to deal with a serial freeloader, just consider yourself fortunate. In a large group, where most parties want to pay cash, my personal preference is to collect all the cash and pay the bill with a cash back credit card to earn all those points!

Unfortunately, if everyone puts up cash to pay the bill and the freeloader doesn’t cover his portion, the rewards that you’ll earn will provide very little comfort having to offset your friend or family member’s unpaid portion of the bill.

The fact is that many people, in an effort to avoid confrontation, will just cover the freeloader’s portion of the bill. Freeloaders often take advantage and prey on that fear of confrontation.

But what if you don’t have the money, or more importantly, the desire or the willingness to continually cover the freeloaders portion of the bill? While you don’t want to offend your family member or lose a friend over a dinner bill — you also can’t afford to keep picking up their tab.

Here are five killer tips for handling your freeloading friend or family member:

1) Set the Payment Expectation Right Upfront.

The first way to neutralize a mooching friend or family member is to immediately set the expectation right upfront by saying, “I’ve got the bill tonight, it’s my treat,” or “I got the bill the last time. Tonight, it’s your turn to cover it.” This is a very effective, non-confrontational way to let him or her know who will be responsible for the entire bill or a certain portion of it.

You can also say something like; “I don’t have the cash to cover it tonight, so I’m going to have to use my credit card. Do you need to stop by the ATM or are you going to use your credit card too?” This technique is a shrewd way to let them know unequivocally that you’re not their personal banker.

2) Separate Checks Please.

One of the most effective ways to deal with freeloaders at dinner is to simply ask for separate checks from your waiter or waitress right upfront. Point out who is on your bill and who is not.

Most restaurants nowadays are completely amenable to separate checks and it also alerts the other guests that they’re responsible for their portion of the bill. If you feel uncomfortable asking for separate checks in front of your guests, you can follow your waiter or waitress to their wait station and ask for separate checks there to avoid any awkward encounters at the dinner table.

3) Getting the Cash Upfront.

The bottom line is that if you’re planning on going out yet again with your freeloading friend or family member for dinner, to see a movie or a show, you have to start letting that person know that you don’t have the money to cover both of you.

While asking for the cash upfront to cover the tickets or the bill might seem a bit awkward, you absolutely MUST talk to your mooching family member or friend upfront to find out if they are having money problems that are prohibiting them from covering their share.

This doesn’t have to be an abrupt conversation with screaming and yelling. Be sure to find out how they plan to pay for their tickets beforehand and try to get the cash upfront BEFORE you pay. Asking for the cash upfront can mitigate many of the problems that occur after the fact with problematic freeloaders.

4) Be Fair But Firm.

If this freeloading behavior has become a regular routine with this particular family member or friend, you’re going to have to put your foot down on it sooner or later. The bottom line is you’ve got to speak up, stand your ground and be firm yet fair.

Again, the conversation shouldn’t be confrontational but conversational and very matter-of-fact, allowing you to simply state the facts. For example, you might say something like “Your half of the bill is $50. Do you want to give me cash for your half and then I’ll just pay the bill with my rewards card?”

This will send a very clear, strong message that he or she will have to carry his or her own weight when paying the bill.

5) Have A Heart to Heart.

While some freeloading friends and family might be doing it knowingly, believe it or not, others may not realize that what they’re doing is creating a big problem for you.

One possibility could be that you’re always picking the restaurant or entertainment and the options that you choose are simply above and beyond their means. They might be too embarrassed or ashamed to let you know they can’t afford it so they just go along with your choice.

Whatever the case might be, it’s not your responsibility to keep carrying the load. Sit down one-on-one and very calmly tell them that it bothers you to always pick up the tab in its entirety when you’re out at restaurants, shows, or whatever your entertainment choices are.

It’s important that you avoid generalizing and be able to point to very specific incidents, times and dates of the behavior that you have an issue with. Being honest about your predicament is critical to maintain the relationship.

Let him know that you can’t afford to carry the financial load (even if you can) when you’re eating out together or entertaining, so he needs to either start paying his own way, or alternatively, choose restaurants or outings that are more affordable for him so he can more comfortably pay his own way.

Using these five tips, you can really change the dynamic of this problem and, assuming the relationship is important to you, still have a chance at keeping the relationship intact.

Most importantly, these tips will allow you to do it in a non-confrontational manner with honor, grace and dignity. If your friend or family member is reasonable, they should understand where you’re coming from. But the end of the day, there might be some people that just don’t get it or simply aren’t willing to get honest with themselves about their behavior.

Simply put, how your friend reacts to you taking charge of the situation is beyond your control. How they respond to it, favorably or not, will no longer be your problem.

This is a guest contribution from Bill Hazelton, CEO and Founder of Credit Card Assist, one of the leading pro-consumer credit card comparison sites online.

For many, resisting the temptation to purchase items they don’t need and may not even really want is a never ending struggle.

After defeating your inner impulse buying demon, what do you do with the money you saved?

There are so few barriers to spending, why not make saving a little easier?

That’s where ImpulseSave comes in.

ImpulseSave is a free software that makes saving fun, easy, and portable. 

Whether saving for an 8-month emergency fund, a European vacation, or FinCon 2012, you’ll be able to effortlessly reach you financial goals.

ImpulseSave let’s you reward yourself (with your own cash) every time you choose saving over spending:

• When you realize you don’t actually need another “miracle” shampoo
• When you pass by the nail salon and forego the awesome mani/pedi deal of the day
• When an item sits in your Amazon shopping cart so long it’s no longer available from the seller

Here’s how it works.

Let’s say you’re standing in the checkout line at the supermarket, when you spot on the cover of a celebrity gossip magazine that your favorite reality star may be pregnant. The cashier is ringing up your groceries at lightning speed. You feverishly flip through the mag trying to locate the article. “Is she pregnant? Who’s the baby’s daddy?” Before you can find the story, it’s time for you to pay up.

Do you go ahead and buy the magazine so that you can read it over a cup of hot tea when you get home? Or do you save your $5, and put it back?

Wisely, you return the magazine to its proper place for some other sucker to buy it.

The cashier hands over your receipt, and you notice that discounts and coupons saved you another $10.

Before you can blow the $15 you just saved, transfer it to your ImpulseSave savings account.

Even though you can make wire transfers from your checking account to your savings account using your computer, the most powerful feature of ImpulseSave is your ability to save on the go.

Simply text how much money you’d like to transfer to your ImpulseSave savings account using your mobile phone.

Put that money aside at the exact moment you make a decision to avoid an unplanned purchase.

To learn more, check out the ImpulseSave About page and the infographic below.

Ramit Sethi, a personal finance blogger I greatly admire and respect, recently bashed budgets again in a post entitled
7 Lies We Tell Ourselves About Money. In lie number 3, “I’m going to start keeping a budget,” Ramit correctly identifies why people don’t track their spending:

1. It’s hard,
2. It makes you uncomfortable, and
3. It’s easier to pick your nose with your mouth agape and do nothing.

Sound suspiciously like the same reasons there’s an obesity epidemic in the United States.

Many people dislike budgets, because they’re difficult to successfully execute. That’s to be expected. If you’ve spent practically your entire life mismanaging your money, don’t expect the behavior to change instantly.

And forget about the notion it takes 21 days to break a habit. That’s bullshiggedy. You’re in for a much longer battle than that. Every January 2nd, the gym is overrun with people who’ve resolved to exercise more and lose weight. By mid-February, the resolutioners are all gone, and I can show up to spinning class 5 minutes before it starts confident a bike will be available.

If people worked out consistently, made healthy food choices, and burned more calories than they consumed, would they lose weight? That’s what the experts say.

Does the common gym have the equipment necessary to increase muscle mass and burn fat? So I’ve heard.

If your income is greater than your expenses, is it possible to save money? There is no other way.

As the answers to the three questions above indicate, it’s not the gym or the budget that’s keeping you from accomplishing your goals.

Don’t be too hasty blaming your failure on the plan. The problem doesn’t lie within the plan. It lies within you. Budgets, like fitness goals, aren’t suppose to work.

You are.

If you allow it, a budget can be an effective tool in your overall financial plan. It’s a written testament to the fact that monetary resources are limited and that in order to accumulate wealth you must live below your means.

Oh, what a magical world we’d live in if the mere act of writing down wishes automatically resulted in receiving them. Unfortunately, a carefully crafted budget ain’t worth a warm bucket of spit if you don’t follow through.

How do you plan on achieving your 2010 financial goals?

The previous post dealt with The First 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying Anything. Here we’ll primarily address what to do if you haven’t convinced yourself not to purchase a particular item, or you don’t know how to get it for free. Before you open your wallet, ask the following:

1. Can I borrow it?

With the exception of money, to the extent a friend, family member or neighbor is willing to loan you something that won’t result in the transmission of a contagious infection, then I’m all for it.

There are two big upsides to borrowing: 1) it usually doesn’t cost anything and 2) you don’t have to store the item when you’re done with. Personally, I have a tendency to destroy things, so I try to shy away from borrowing stuff that’s prone to breakage.

2. Should I rent it?

Depending on your lifestyle, there are certain items that are more cost effective and more convenient to rent. It’s hard to find a justifiable reason to blow a lot of money on something needed for a specific occasion. Sites like Zilok and Rent the Runway provide the perfect marketplaces for renting that pressure washer or party dress you’ll only use a time or two.

3. Can I exchange something I don’t want for it?

You probably got plenty of valuable junk laying around that you can give up in return for something useful. With websites like SwapTree, Swapstyle.com, U-Exchange, and BarterBee.com, you can make room for possessions you’ll likely use in return for some mess you’ll never use.

4. Can I buy it for less than full price?

We’ve already touched on how to save money by consuming a modest dosage of patience in The First 5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying Anything. But let’s say you either can’t or aren’t willing to wait. Here are a few tactics you can apply to get the best deals along with websites that make saving money easier.

• Use a mobile coupon or coupon code*: RetailMeNot, Currentcodes.com, DealsPlus, Coupon Chief.

• Look for on-line cash back offers: FatWallet, Ebates, Coupon Cactus, Bing cashback.

• Hunt for bargains: The Bargainist, CheapStingyBargains.com, GottaDeal.com, DealCatcher.com

If all else fails, conduct a Twitter or Google search using the name of the product or retailer you’re looking for plus either or all of the three search terms: coupon code, discount code, or promo code.

5. Can I afford it?

Ah, this is one of my favorites. If you get to the point where you are shamefully willing to pay full price (I’ve been there) for a product or service, a “no” answer to this question should put the breaks on any spending.

Here’s the quick and dirty test to determine whether you can afford something or not. If you can’t pay cash for it (whatever it is), then it’s not within your means. I’ll leave you to read into that statement what you will.

*If you’re a smartphone user, don’t be afraid to flash the cashier a store coupon on your mobile device. A few days ago, I saved 15% by redeeming an unprinted Kohl’s coupon I found on RetailMeNot using my iPhone. And yes, I conducted the last minute on-line coupon search in the dressing room.

Are there any questions you ask yourself before making a purchase decision? What resources do you find helpful in answering any of the questions above?

The likelihood of us becoming close friends is inversely related to your propensity to hassle me. Words generally used to describe me are “smart,” “sarcastic,” and just plain ol’ “awesome.”

Over the years, I’ve managed to escape labels such as “generous” or “giving.” Why? Again, because I don’t want to be hassled. You need a favor. Leave me alone. Figure out how to do it yourself. I have little patience for those who don’t grasp the concept of self sufficiency.

However, I don’t see myself as selfish. Before I help someone, I usually ask myself three questions:

1. How burdensome is the task they’re asking of me?
2. Can they do it themselves with relative ease?
3. If I asked the same of them, would they be able and willing to help me?

Right now, you’re probably thinking that I am pretty selfish.

Allow me to explain.

Just because I’m unwilling to sacrifice my time, money and energy for an individual who resembles the likes of an inconsiderate freeloader more than a disadvantaged victim, doesn’t mean I’m selfish. And you know what? If you share the same opinion (albeit biased), you’re not selfish either.

Many people confuse spinelessness with generosity. They know they don’t wanna help nobody. If they weren’t afraid of what others would think of them, their responses to common requests would go something like this:

Transportation Request

Question: Can you drop me off at the airport? My flight leaves at 6:00 in the morning.

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: Because I don’t feel like it. You know I don’t wake up until 8:15. Take a cab.

Moving Request

Question: Could you help me move on Saturday?

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: I don’t know you like that. Plus, I don’t feel like it. You’ve been ducking and dodging me since I loaned you $50. Um, since you brought it up, where’s my money?

Money Request

Question: Can I borrow $350 to pay my light bill?

Answer: No.

Question: Why not?

Answer: You already owe me $50. If I had it to loan, I’d give it to you. Actually, I could give it to you. But I don’t feel like it. Maybe if you sell that big screen you just bought, you’ll have the money to pay a taxi and the movers and your light bill.

You have to shut down people who always need something. Unlike genuine charitable giving, enabling deadbeats only make you feel like a pushover. Not only are they time sucks and financial drains, they rob you of the opportunity to relish in your charitableness.

Before you agree to lend your services, ask yourself – Am I doing this because I’m generous, or is my lack of a spine clouding my judgment?

How do you decide who’s deserving of your sacrifice?