Have you ever crossed paths with a person who’s so inconsiderate you thank God you’re unarmed?
There are people who walk among us who laugh in the face of basic human decency. And for that, I hate them.
They’re not violent criminals, but they are awful none the less.
They worship at your church, workout at your gym, sit in the cubicle next to you. Maybe you had them over for a potluck dinner or bought Girl Scout cookies from their daughter. You have no clue what type of monsters these people are. They seem so . . . normal. Oh, but they’re not.
They’re jerks who deserve to be tarred, feathered, and burned in effigy.
Bring back the guillotine!
Let’s back up. I went too far.
As much as we’d like to see these guys pay for their crimes, we can’t. We don’t know who they are.
If not for murderers, rapists, and thieves, the seven people described below would top the unofficial list of The Worst People in the World.
Come to think of it, if you pull crap like this, in the words of the formerly great Trick Daddy, “Ain’t no tellin’ what you might do.”
1. Ms. Pees on the Toilet Seat
For the most part, we accept that men leave the toilet seat up.
You’re not the only woman who’s been violently awoken from a sleepy stupor after plummeting butt first into a toilet bowl. Once you regain composure, you curse the man responsible for the rude awakening, handle your business, and go back to bed.
By daybreak, the man is forgiven. At least you didn’t sit in pee.
What I don’t understand and can’t forgive is when a woman leaves pee on the toilet seat.
Fine. You don’t wanna contract another woman’s booty germs. I get it. You think sitting on a public toilet seat is disgusting.
But why, you nasty skank, do you think other women aren’t doubly disgusted by the idea of hovering over your piss?
You know your weak quads can’t hold a 20 second squat. If you refuse to clean up after yourself, then, please, sit down—you filthy, trifling piece o’ trash.
2. The Person Who Leaves Chewed Gum Under the Bar Counter
After finishing grade school, you thought your days of touching someone else’s saliva ridden gum were over. We all did. And we were all wrong.
You desperately want to believe a six-year old is guilty of sticking the gelatinous horror under the bar counter. Then you remember, kids don’t sit at bars. So, you’re left asking one question: What adult thinks this behavior is okay?
It’s not okay!
If you’ve chewed all the minty sweetness out of your gum, spit it in a napkin and throw it in the trash. If a garbage can isn’t nearby, put the napkin in your pocket, purse, whatever. Dispose of it properly when you get a chance.
Or, you could take a big gulp of water and swallow it! You won’t choke.
3. The Moron Who Blocks the Intersection
Oh, you’re so fuckin’ special you can’t tolerate a 45 second add to your commute.
You can’t go nowhere.
Why would you pull out into the middle of the intersection and make the rest of us, who have the green light, wait?
The look on your idiotic face is what really burns me. You know you’re being a jackass.
Other drivers have little choice but to sit in their cars—utterly powerless—watching, honking, and yelling threatening obscenities.
You can’t drive through the cars that are causing you to block the intersection. We can’t drive through you. But boy, do I hope I’m driving a monster truck the next time I encounter you.
4. The Guy Who Walks His Pit Bull Without a Leash
Is it me or does the guy who walks his dog unleashed always own a pit bull? You know, the kind of dog who’s a shoo in for Most Likely to Maul Your Chihuahua Just for Hoohahs award.
To be clear, there are a lot of responsible pit bull owners. But doesn’t it seem like stupid people gravitate toward this particular dog breed?
I’m not saying all pit bull owners are stupid, but I am saying that all stupid dog owners own pit bulls.
This character has no control over his animal. The purpose of a leash is to protect your dog’s safety as well as the safety of other dogs.
When you see this bozo coming, for your own well being, get out of his way. Just have your knife ready in case you need to stab his dog.
5. The Guy Who Occupies Two Parking Spaces in a Crowded Lot
On Monday evening, like every gym goer in the nation, you’re hoping to reverse the negative effects of the bad food you ate over the weekend.
Your Zumba class starts in five minutes. And you want a spot that’s NOT directly behind that super uncoordinated chick. Her lack of rhythm is definitely contagious.
If only that dickhead hadn’t helped himself to two parking spaces, you’d have nothing to worry about.
Let’s be serious. Even if said dickhead used only one space, you wouldn’t get it. Someone luckier than you would’ve snagged it well before you showed up.
But that doesn’t stop you and ten other frustrated gym rats from driving pass that fucker’s C-Class Mercedes condemning the date of his conception.
6. Those Two Broads Who Smoke in the Parking Garage
Even if you hate cigarettes, you respect others’ choices to smoke them.
If they wanna kill themselves, they can go right ahead. It’s none of our business. You just don’t want their addiction to become your business when they force you to walk through plumes of carcinogen laced smoke because their lazy assess don’t want their boss to know the frequency of their breaks.
Smoke outside—a considerable distance from the building’s entrance.
7. To Me: The Bitch Who Waits Until the Last Second Before Merging Onto a Busy Highway
Occasionally, I am unfamiliar with a particular stretch of the interstate.
I don’t always know when my lane will end or when the exit ramp is coming up. But truthfully, most of the time, I’m fully aware of when I need to change lanes. I just don’t wanna wait.
There’s usually one person gracious enough to let me cut in front of him. If not, there’s bound to be someone who’s distracted long enough to create a sizable gap between his car and the car in front of him. In a pinch, I’ll whip in front of that guy.
I know my behavior is despicable, but for some reason, I can’t stop.
Who else would you add to The Worst People in the World list?
If you’re brave enough to admit it, what qualifies you to be on this list?